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Boston Public Library

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B. P. L. FORM NO. 609: 3.13,42: ES2U. '

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4

A SKETCH OF THE £ir£ OF

ELIZABETH T. STONE,

AND OF HER PERSECUTIONS,

WITH AN APPENDIX

OF HER ^f&,.

TREATMENT AND SUFFERINGS

WHILE IN THE

CHARLESTOWN McLEAN ASSYLUM,

where she was confined under the
Pretence of Insanity.

1842:

PRINTED FOR THE AUTHOR.

u-rv'

cr y !

i^r: 11 \l]^

PREFACE.

Feeling that the public is very much deceived concerning the
reatment and situation of a poor afflicted class of the human family,
ivho are placed in the McLean Assylura at Charlestown, by their
relatives, and are left in the hands of strangers, subjected to the treat-
ment of those whose hearts are hardened by being long accustomed
to human suffering, and who are ignorant and unqualified, I will ex-
pose this matter to the public, in behalf of the afflicted, in connec-
tion with the awful, brutal outrage that has been committed upon
me in consequence of indisposition resulting from hard labor and per-
secution, so the public may be warned against placing their friends
.here, especially if they would not have them ill-treated or suffer
unnecessarily.

First, 1 shall give a short sketch of my life down to the time when
I was carried to the Hospital^ then an account of the crime in con-
nection with the treatment 1 received there, until I was taken out.
( feel that this should particularly interest the christian world ; but
»vhether it is believed or not, I am determined to publish it, that the
people of God may take care of their own peop^le in time of persecu-
tion at the expense of one's life, whether father, mother, brother, or
sister step in between. The unconverted do not understand spirit-
uality, therefore a weak, persecuted christian should not be consign-
ed to their hands. If others who have suffered this cruelty before
me (as Dr. Fox says that both male and female christians have been
destroyed there before) had published and exposed the x^'icked crime
to the world,! might have been saved from suffering here and here-
after. I is covered up under the garb of "derangement," but I am
willing to let the world know it, that others may be saved irom these
awful outrages of the wicked at the present day. I know that the
world iw general is ignorant of this crime — of the fact that Doctors
do possess knowledge of giving medicine to take away from a per-
son the spirit of Christ, — but 1 have suffered it.

I was born in Westford, Mass. My father was a mechanic, and
poor ; my mother being often sick, with a family of 7 boys and 3
girls, we were all sent out young, upon tbe world, to get our own
living. It t>eing the youngest girl, was left at home alone. The pe-
culiar situation which I sustained in the family, being early disown-
ed by my father ^ his lawful child, he being intemperate at the time,
may be imagined. I was often the object of his wrath, though in
^^,is sober hours I was kindly treated by him, as he was a man often-

der feelings. But my mother's affections were always alienated from
tne, and 1 always felt the want of a mother's love, and conspquentlv
became very unhappy. I determined to seek mv own living and
share the same fate of the resj, of the family by buffetinar a cold un-
feeling world.

At the age of fifteen I resorted to the factories in Lowe!!, where
1 found employment and became expert at the business. K:nowini:
that I had myself to lake care of and no one to depend upon, I was
ambitious and often asked my overseer ibr the privilecre oftendino-
double work, which was often granted: and as I had the means of
providing for my own wants and some to spare, I became restless
and often wished I had the means to go to school, as my mother of-
ten told her children to get learning— it was what the world could
not take from us; (but O, alas! mine has been taken from me by
medicine, being given to me in an artful manner to harden my brains,
and the brain is the seat of the mind and the mind is the store-house
of knowledge) and I felt the want of it as I became advanced in
years and went into society. I soon began to make arrangments to
place myself at some school. I went home at the age of eighteen
and went to the Academy in Westford three or four months, and
then, m the year 1834, the first of May, I started for New Hamp-
ton in company with a young lady from Boston, she being my onlv
acquaintance. I found the school very pleasant, and the teachers
were ardently pious. It was now that I felt that God had often cal-
led after me and I had refused to obey him and had not ])repared for
my knowledge. This increased the carnal state of my heart against
religion, tor it appeared to me like foolishness, for there was noth-
ing but the simple religion of Jesus Christ,' no disputing, no sectari-
an spirit, and I was surrounded by the prayers of my teachers and
the pious scholars. But I withstood all the entreaties tlirough the
summer term. I was determined not to get religion when there was
inucli said about it, for I looked upon it as excitement, as many oth-
ers foolishly call it. There were about one hundred and five schol-
ars, and at the end of the term all but three of us'professed to have
an interest in Christ. Duringr the vacation I could not throw oft^the
conviction that had seized hold of my mind, that God in his mercv
jjad spared my life, and permitted me to enjoy this last privilege.
A't the commencement of the Fall term ns usual, we all assembled on
tSwnday morning — the professors in the Hall alinve, while the nn-
converted were in the Hall below — to hear the Scriptures cxplain-
rd. Miss. Sleeper, one of the teachers, that assembled with us,
came directly to me after the exercises were. »ver and asked me if
I'felt as I did during the last term. I told her no. She s.aid she
was very glad of it and hoped I sliould not leave off seeking until I
■found the Siivior. I felt that I had committed myself, that I now
r.ould not draw back, that I must persevere on and let the world
kncir th?)t { ije,eded a Saviour to save rne from acting out the wick-

^^a strtte of my heai't. 1 («iuld not throw it ofT. On Monday eve-
ning all the unconverted were invited by our njuch Ipved teacher,
Miss. Haseltine, to meet her at the Hall. Accordingly I went in
company with several other ysoung ladies. After reading the Scrip-
tures and addressing us very affectionately, she asked us to kneel
down and join her in prayer. Accordingly I did so, but I thought
I was more hardened than ever ; and felt ashamed that I was on my
bended knees ; but wishing to act ^tirom principle and to prove wheth-
er there was any reality in what my teacher said about religion, £
was determined to persevere on, although it was contrary to my car-
nal state of heart. Accordingly 1 told every one that I meant to
know the real religion of Jesus 'Christ and live up to it, if it was
what they said it was. I attended all the meetings and was willing
to do any thing that I thought I ought to do ; but I began to think
that I had grieved the Holy Spirit and was about giving up seeking
any longer until I should feel, as very often I did before in meet-
ings and then I should have religion. This was on Saturday, a fort-
night after I w^s willing to own th^t I felt the need of an interest
in Christ. Oir tny way home from school, a young lady overtook
me and inquired v.'hat was the state of my feelings, I frankly told
her what was my conclusion. She then told me how she found the
Saviour — how slie sought three years ; but all that time she said she
was seeking conviction when she ought to have sought forgiveness
and told me that 1 must seek for immediate forgiveness, and a;k«J
me if I was willing to. I told her that I would, for I found that 1
had been seeking conviction and was already convicted. Accord
ingly I went home, and after <linner took my Bible and retired alone
to a grove not far distant, where I spent the afternoon in reading
and praying, but did not find any change in my feelings. I was
summpnds to tea by the ringing of the bell. I went in and took ray
seat at the table, but while sitting there I thought I was actincr fooL
i.-hly, that I ought not to eat, drink, or sleep, until I found foro-iv
ness. I rose from the table and retired -to my room and knelt down
and asked God what I should do in order to be forgiven : then -rose
up and was sitting down by the table with my head upon my hand
wondering what I should do., when something seemed to say to me
"open the door of your heaBt and admit me." I immediately thought
I could not without I was better, but something said "no now." I
thought the next day being Sunday, I would, after I had been to
church ; but mq, the voice said now — that I said I would. If Christ
woufd but receive me, I ivould /«'»t just as I was. I thought Itoould,
I rose and walked across the room, and was frightened to think
what I had said; that I had entered into a covenant with God. At
that time a young lady, Mary Ann Burbank, entered the room and
asked me if I was going to meeting, as it was customary to have a
female prayer meeting at the hall on Saturday evenino-. I told he-r
yes. She^saidit was too late. •! told her I was going, (I thought

J

if they were just coming out I would go.) I put on my things, and
she said she //oold go with me. Accordingly we went out of the
house together and said nothing to each other. I thought of noth-
ino- in particular; but as we were walking and had got a rod or two
from the house, I thought how tast 1 was walking, and how earnest
1 was to get there. I spoke to Miss Burbank and said that I never
went to a place with so much eagerness in my life. She asked me
if I felt better. I told her that I never was so happy in my life.
She said she was glad ; she had been recently baptized. I had be-
fore not liked her very well, but now I loved her with all my heart,
because she had owned the Savior before the world. 1 immediately
tlieuffhtof the balls and parties that I had been to, and it seemed
nothihcr to what it would be to get into a prayer meeting. It seem-
ed that the Bible 1 had never read and that 1 knevv' nothing about
it and when I tried to think of it the passages flowed into my mind
faster than I could repeat : the first passage I thought of was the
G reeks foolishness to the Jews, but to them that believe Christ the
power of God unto salvation, and many others. It seemed that I
stepped out of one world into another. 1 went into the hall and
they were singing, and then they knelt down and prayed. A young
ladv prayed for me, seeing me on my knees. I longed to have her
close her prayer to tell them what God had done lor me. As we
rose I opened my mouth and words flowed faster than I could speak,
I blessed and praised God and asked them all to forgive me for the
opposition that I had manifested towards them for their entreating
me to be reconciled to God. There was great rejoicing over me.
Some wept, some prayed, and some sang. It was a happy time.
Some that were seeking seeing me so happy said they were deter-
mined to find the Savior that night and two young ladies that
boarded with me did, to the joy oftheir souls. I felt that I had
a new life to live and was determined to live it. 1 loved all the peo-
ple of God, and my feelings soon began to be tried by seeing the
divisions that were among them; but I was determined not to have
any thing to do with it, but meant to keep the faith as it was once
delivered to the Saints, that is, to keep the love previous to my con-
version. I had always thought that immersion was right, and still
thought so ; but still I loved to hear sinners called to repentTince,
^nd to join in prayer with any one that told how Christ saved them
daily from sinning. I felt that I must own the Savior in all my
ways and words, for it was what I loved, and 1 hated the sin that
was in my heart and joften cried out, O wretched person that I a m,
who shall deliver me.'from this body of sui and death. I longed to
be. freed from sin. 1 soon began to think of becoming a missiona-
ry, that is, to go to the far distant heathen who had never heard of
the Gospel. I asked God what I should do. I was determined
to do what God gave me to do at the expense of my life, for I count-
ed not my life dear unto me, and soon the spirit led me in prayer

for my parei>1s, but how could they be conveitfcd without the way
of salvation was explained to tlieni7 They did not attend j)ublic
worship; they believed that they should be saved when they should
die : but I had found a Saviour that saved nie here from sinninor,
for the love af God constrained me to lay down all earthly enjoy-
ments when they came in contact with any thing that I must do
for Christ. ] thought I would goto them and tell them, thinkino-
they would believe me. Accordingly on my return from school I /'
visited my parents, I)ut not until the Spring, on fast day, with my
youngest brother. We passed the day very agreeably. 1 told them
that I had niet with a change, but said but Ijttle, as I did r,ot wish
to argue the point, for they were both against me and said they
thought I had got my hr f.'m fur7trd hy studying too much. But I
knew I must bear this "ahd"""gfeater things if I wished to do my
heavenly Father's will, which was my meat and drink. I left home
without prayirig for them, which I felt condemned for. 1 resolved
if God would spare my life to go home again 1 would bear the cross
of Christ.' During the winter my mind had been niuch tried about
the two 6rdinances ; and what to do, I did not know, for I wished
to give a i-easonable answer why 1 went with one class of God's peo-
ple more than another. I bearded with a Mr Washburn, a very pi-
ous man belon<jincr to the First Conofreo-ationnl church in Lowell —
I said notliing to him about forms and ceremonies, nor he to me; /
but 1 came to the conclusion to be an immersed Congregationalist,
because they admitted all to the communion tlrat had professed the
Savior before the world. I concluded to return to school, and cal-
led upon Mrs Tilton, one of my acquiantance that belonged to the
Baptist Church. She asked me why 1 had not been in to see her,
and she thought ray mind had been tried about baptism. I told
her not in the least, for I always thought immersion was right but
my miud was tried about the communion — why all the people of
God could not come together. She said that she had a little book
she would lend me to read. 1 took it and went home and read it ;
it was upon Church and Christian fellowship. I thought it explain-
ed it to my mind and told her I was thankful for it; but as I waste
start for New Hampton the^next day could not he baptized there.
I arrived at New Hampton the second week in May, J 835, and met
once more my much loved teachers. During the Summer term my
mind was much taken up with my studies, and the religious state
of feeling was very low. There were no conversions during this
term. At the commencement of the Fall term our teacher addres-
sed us upon the subject and hoped that each one would do some-
thing to win sinners to Christ. AH felt it, and again God pouted /
ovit his. Holy Spirit and sinners were slain ; my health was poor and
I was about leaving school on account of my limited means. My
teacher asked me if I was not going to be baptized before I left
school, together 'with some other young ladies. I had always

8

thoujrht I was willin<!, should the opportunity be presented. Here
I h;id a trial, but went forward with some others, determined neter
to disobey God of keeping his commandments or doing whatever
the love of God constrained me to do, however crossing it whs to
my carnal feelings. I returned to Lowell and resumed my labor,
still feeling determined to procure an education to go to the poor
heathen to carry the news of salvation ; but my means became lim-
ited and I was obliged to use prudence in reference to my dress and
spending my time. My oldest sister proposed to hav<e me come
and work with her at the tailoress business in Boston, and this sis
ter I had ardsently loved and looked up to for advice. But I was
making very good vvvage? at that time and thought it not best
for me to go then; although I wanted a trade to hel^p me along in
case I should go among the poor and destitute. Bat as my sister
Nancy's heaifh was not g od at that time I proposed for her to go
to Boston and 1 would come in the Fall or early in the Winter,
which was agreed to. 1 concluded to go to work with my sister
until the slack time should come on in the Winter, and then I
thought I should, go toCharle*town Seminary to finish my educa-
tion, as we were all to board ourselves. Accordingly 1 left the
mill again and when I got to my sister's thev were just on the point
of separating. I stepped in between and proposed to reconcile
matters for vve all belonged to the Baptist Ci)urch, and for own
character and the cause of Christ 1 thought it best to keep togeth-
er. But it was not possible, we could ii(i)t agree, though sister Ma-
ry and I had never before disagreed, and probably never should had
it not been for sister Nancy. It was a sore trial to me and I often
thought that my last earthly friend was taken from me. I had loved
sister Mary until it had become a sin in the sight of a holy God,
that I had been governed about my spiritual life by her in part, and
that He saw fit to separate us. Through the invitation of my
brother Eben's wife 1 went to stay with her and had regular pay
lest there should be any room for unpleasant feelings, I spent the
winter with her at Jamaca Plains very happy, but I began to think
that I was not living as I ought to; that I could be the means of
doing more good by working in the mill and getting more money
for the cause of Christ and come in contact with more minds to pur-
suade them to become reconciled to God. But again I was tried
about pursuing an education, not having means to do with. What
to do 1 did not know, and at times A^as almost tempted to ask assis-
tance of my brothers^ but for fear of being refu.sed I dared not, for
they never seemed to take any interest in the welfare of their sis-
ters. My oldest sister was often sick and was not helped by them :
therefore I was determined to do what I could without asking help.
I left my brother's in June 1886, not decided what to do. Aware
that in some branches I was not qualified sufficienftKy to take a young
ladies' school. I went home not decided what to do, but thought 1

9

would go with a younor lady that, I was acquainted with in Westford
under private instruction, and accordingly went and stayed with iier
till Fall. A new Precepter was about opening the Academy in
Westford, and 1 resolved to go the Winter term, and acc<^rdingly
provided myself with a boardmg place at Mr Niehols, where I found
it very pleasant. They were both piou.s and I beca-i)e very much
attached to Mrs N. and found the school very plf^asaut for the
branches that I wished to pursue ; but on account of a change in
this family I was urider the necessity of getting another boarding
place ; then I went to a Mr George Davis' where I had always been
acquainted, and found every thing pleasant and was happy. But
my health began to fail me, being troubled with the Ticdoloreux. '*"

Not having the means to continue any longer at school, so
poor was my health at that time, I began to think of returriing to
Lowell ; but about this time a book was circulating, relative to the
day of Judgment being near at hand. I obtained it and read it, and
found that it was nothiugr but explaining the Scriptures according
to my view in a historical manner, or the preaching the Gospel in
its purity. 1 felt prepared to meet Christ, but was often asked what
I thought of il I I told them it was a sweet subject to me, for 1
longed to be with him who had loved me and given himself for me
and was wilHug to do all for Him while I stayed upon the earth
and did not know how I could alter ray life if it was true, for if [
was not prepared I should prepare myself. But I had already g.iv-
.en my heart to the Lord and was trying to live to his honor and
glory. The subject was very much agitated in Westford. I soon
tett and went to Lowell, and tried to obtain a book, but could not,
and no one seemed to know any thing about it. ' I went into the
factory to work, but soon an old acquaintance, Nancy Sanborn,
come to see me. She had always anticipated going off to teach.
We proposed opening a school in Lowell for young ladies, but my
health wa.s not good and F had nothing to do with, and something
seemed to say to me, what you do, do quickly, f'^-r the end of alf '
thing.* is just at Irjud. I went to God ii prayer to ask Him what
to do. I listened to the Saviour's voice which constrained meto'l
win souls to Ciirist bv livincr out my religion around npe by the wav;|
of the spirit and not of learning; but at that time God had sulferrdi
me to be carried away into Babylon and become a worshipper oftlie":
God of learning; My friend, Nancy Sanborn left nie and returned >
home and I concluded to live in tiho factory for every plan that I I
laid seemed to be thwarted. I often had. something given to n'le to |
do by God which I found was contrary to my carnal feeling?. I /
boarded at this time with a Mrs King, on the Boot corporation. —
My sister Nancy wanted to come aod board with me. We never
had a'-reed from little children, and twice I had left the mill on her
account and my boarding house, and as I always thought if it !iad
not been for her I and my sister M, never would have disagreed.

But I llioHght if it was in me I would csnquer it at the expense of
tlie last feeling I had In me; but here was another firey trial of my
. faith. 1 ever carried ali my actions before the judgment seat of
Christ. I fek 1 was not my own, I was bought with a price — the
.precious blood of the Lamb. My object was to get money to go to
the West as a teacher to win souls to Christ. My sister was taken
sick and \ staid out of the mill to take care of her. I was at this
.time tending doul)le work. When the physician called upon her we
were drawn in conversation about people in general taking too
much medicine. 1 was innocent about giving any offence. 1 took
the directions abor.t my sister's medicine, and after the Doctor had
Jeti; the house spoke about her taking it. She said she should not
take it aud did not wish me to do any thing for her ; but would say
no more. 1 told her-that it was foolish for me to stay out of the
mill if sh« v.'ould not let me take care of her, and began to reason
the case; but could not prevail upon her and feared that we should
again fail out. I endeavored to keep my feelings under and try to
'do for her whether she would let me or not; but it did no good.
My acquaintance was a circle of young ladies of respectability and
we had prayer meetings' and t had been very forward in them — I
had had an evening school and opened it with prayer. To have a
falling out with my sister would hurt the casuse of Christ, which
was dearer to me than my life. I keep it to myself and tried to get
a ong, for when there is difficulty there is blame on both sides; but
it kindled to a fl.une^ yet I said but little about it. But I counted
•it all joy, for it harBbled me, for my earthly character was like the
apple of my eye to me, and I came to the conclusion that it was
better to board apart. I therefore determined to change my board-
ing place, and say nothing about it to any one. I went to Boston
<ni a visit and engaged my boarding place before I went, at Mrs
Luf .ill's, a member ofthe first Baptist Church in Lowell. On my
visit to Boston I met with a young lady at my brother's by the name
I of Ehzi D mnias, that was out of employment, and had been for
* some time. I was informed that she was in a destitute situation
and professed to be a folloA'er of the Lamb. 1 proposed for her to
coiiie up to Lowell, and she would find employment there of some
kind, thinking it was not right for any one to live so, for it was not
se;ti!ig a good example; and as she had no one to do for her, my reli-
gion led me to do all that 1 could for the friendless, feeling myself
a stranger and a pilgrim here below. Accordingly on my return
she came and i soon found her a situation, and she being an or-
phan I thought I could help her, for pure religion is doing good
for the widow and the orphan. I boarded at Mrs Lufkin's until
warm wf.atlier and Caroline Dammus boarded with me and worked
<')n the Suffulli. It being too fir for her to walk in warm weather
I proposed to change my boarding place to make it nearer for her.
Mr Lufi<ii)'s sister was about opening a boarding house on the

11

Boot corporation. I had become somewhat acquainted with her at
her brother's and liked her very much while her brother's folks
went on a visit to their friends. Here was the only time that ever I
was sick or needed any medical assistance. My stomach was a lit-
tle nauseated and I sent for Dr Wheelock Graves and he crave me
an emetic: afterwards [ called upon him once and got a receipe for.
a cough and paid him ; this was in the summer of 1849. My healthy
vifas always delicate, but I was Very careful whit I did; very seN-
dom went out evenings, not so much as to an evenino- meefincr ■
or to expose myself to the evening air in any way, hopino- that ;
at some future period I should be so situated as to be able to live
more devoted to the blessed cause of Christ ; but I endeavored toj
show piety at home. I had embraced the views that the day of
judgment was near at hand and I felt to double my diligence to ob-
tain the means to spread the Gospel. I loved God and the people
of God, for where sin abounded grace much more abounded, I felt
a desire that God would pour out his holy spirit and that sinners
might be converted, and began to call upon the Lord and to my /
surprise I found myself in a back-slidden state; that I had lost the
liberty whereby Christ had made me free.

How I got back there I did not know, but the way I found the Savior
was by owning him before the world and I knew the only way was to
go and sow to the spirit. I began to ask the Lord what he would have
me to do, and thmg after thing was given me, but was accused of be-
lieving in Miller's doctrine, as it is called. I found that it was about
to bring upon me reproach and 1 denied it and then I was troubled. I
could not rest day nor night, and I felt that I was not prepared to meet
Him, and I bowed myself before the Lord and asked the Lord what He
would have me to do; and soon I was sent with message after message
to the people of God where it was my usual custom to assemble, as it
was the privilege of the females to give a word of exhortation. Said
nothing to any one, but was determined to do what the Lord bid me,
and to walk in the Lord. My mind was unbiased by the errors in the-
ology, or any creeds or doctrine of men. All I knew was the simple
religion of Jesus Christ, and the Bible was my guide. I must obey God
and keep his commandments. At this time the subject of the uaion of I
christians was much agitated ', the divisions of them had been a source |
of grief to me ever since I was converted, and the union of them was I
something sweet if there was any ground On which thef could beuni- i'
ted. Elder Holly was lecturing at this time upon it and showed by the *
Bible the ground on which they could |be united. I asked the Lord
what be would have me to do, and went to the Bible for instruction.
la Revelations it says that whoever takes from the sayings of the proph.

12

ecv ofthat book his part shfiU be taken out of the holy city, &c. EeV.
12 chap. ISUi, 19th verses, I found that articles of faith both took from
and added there unto and already I felt the plagues upon me. I cried
; unto the Lord, for I could say with Daniel, the pangs of hell got hold
\ of me and death encompassed me round about. I calleil upon the Lord
I and he heard me out of His Holy habitation. 1 told no one of my situ-
sition for I thought it Avas the Lord that was dealing with me and had^got
to have a trial of my fiiiih, I felt that I was willing to die a martyr
.ather than to deny Jesus Christ befo^-e the world. It was the last Idol
j;^ I held in my heart I must give up. It was ray earthly character; I
must go without the camp and bear reproach for Christ. I went to see
my minister, and told him huw the Lord was dealing with me. Itold
( him how the Lord had shown me that articles of failh were a sin by the
! Bible and that I did not want any thing to do with pjrsuasions. I wan-
I ted to keep God's commandments, for I hated the very garment that
I was spotted with the flesh ; I would have my name taken off the church
( books, but not off his heart, for I loved the people of God. I wanted
I to go to the communion table and still held to the ordinance of bap-
I tisra ; but I wanted to get out of sin. He said if I did not Avalk with
^ the church in peace, he must excommunicate me. I asked her forgiv-
ness if I had said anything that had injured his feelings, for I only
wanted to get out of sin and I must work out my own salvation with
fear and trembling. He then told me if I did' not come back into the
bosom of the true church he would exconimunicate me and that would'
ruin ray reputation. I told him that I was willing to die if I could but
wm souls to Christ; but I hated sin, and therefore he must do as lie
thought best, as it was not flesh and blood that I had any thincr to do
with, neither were weapons carnal. This was at his house, I think'in
the month of June. I bid him good morning and on my way home I felt
to bless and praise God. On the next Sabbath I attended church at El-
der Cole's, the Christian denommation. The word of the Lord was
sweet to me, as it was now I wanted the word of the Lord to support
tile and to comfort me. I wanted to hear nothing but the sweets of re-
deeming love. In three weeks I went to see Mr Porter, he bemg my
minister. I was excommunicated ; but it brought me out in a happy
state. I continued my labor, which was tending three looms ; but of-
ten spoke of what the Lord had done for rae and how plain the Bible
was to me. I attended a meeting held at Groton on the unison of
christians, to hear what was to be said. It was there where I received
the baptism of the Holy Ghost, as previous to this I had been baptized
■with fire ia coming out ^pftbeJ3aptist cburch: .for as I received Christ

13

s6 I walked in him, which was walking in the love; for cursed is
he that doeth the work of the Lord deceitfully, after the manner
they called heresy. So worship I the God ot my Fathers, I oft-
en spoke of my spiritual life, and many observed that they never
saw any one enjoy so much. I continued my labor and attended
the appointed meetings with my own people that worshipped God ,
according to my views, and I was received by them and went with \
no others, for the people of God should be peace makers and let j
every one worship God after their own way. There arose violent /
persecutions against me, but as my forerunner had suffered before
me, so must I suffer. I often thought that I would give up my
business and labor entirely for the Lord; and then I thought what
should I do for a home? I felt the want of one, and my young-est
brother had been sick and I thought he might be embarrassed in
his circumstances, and if I helped him in temporal things he would
hear me in spiritual; and I was very anxious to help him, as he
had done much for our parents when he was quite young, while
my older brothers who were quite wealthy, did not help them,
comparatively speaking. I had done much for this brother, feel-
ing anxious to see him get along in the world, and therefore I was
diligent to my labors. But I began to feel that I could not work
any longer at present. The week before I was carried to the hos-
pital I thought I would go to my minister and tell him my situation.
Iwent to his house, but he was not at home. I then went and
conversed with brother Fiske who was knowing to my persecu- '
tions, and he advised me to go and see Elder Cole, I told him he
was not at home, and I knew not what to do, I still continued my
work and did not go home; it was not the place for me, as my pa-
rents were not spiritual minded, and in my weak state 1 felt I could
not bear opposition, and I hated sin so 1 could not contend, for a
child of contention is a child of hell. On Sunday morning, Nov,
22d, 1840, while I was conversing with a very pious lady that slept
v/ith me about how God had dealt with me, and how I had disobey-
ed the spirit, being often called upon to speak, how awful it would
be to be cast off from the Lord, 1 told her that 1 was bound in the
spirit, and asked her if I kept the commandments of God if he
would cast me off ? She said no. But here was the first of my ,
weakness that gave place for sa*;an to arrange his host to take me. j
Why I gave up to such weakness I know not, nor can I account \
for it, except 1 had overdone myself. There was no distress of J
mind, and if there was, it was no reason why I should not have ;;
been treated with common humanity, for I offered no insult to anijj
one, or treated any one ill, I only spoke of my own situation and
asked them to do for me and not let me do wickedly. Miss Elza
Lufkin came intothe room, the lady whom I boarded with, and
asked me what was the matter, J began to talk to her about my
situation and to tell her how good religion was, and asked her to
2'

14

have it. Upon that she said many unkind things to me. I saw
that she was angry with me. Why she should treat me so I did
not know, for I had been very careful to observe all regulations
and rules of her house, and never spoke about temporal things, to
find fault. She had opposed me in attending my appointed meet-
ings, and thought that I might go to a meeting that was nearer; •
but I thought it was not right to go to any other than where I was
received by relating my experience, and that I ought to be my own
judge. But the way of the Lord is contrary to the natural state
of the heart. Since I came out of the hospital Miss Lufkin has
told me that she vt^as never so angry in her life as she was with me.
If my religion had displeased her she ought to have told me so
when I v/as well, and I vi'ould have found another place, and not
waited until I was in a weak state and then take the advantage of
my weakness. My sister Nancy came in to see me and began to
scold me. I told her it was very Avicked, she was hot where she
ought to be, or she could not do so. I arose and dressed myself
and asked not to have any one of the unconverted come into mv
room. I sent for Elder Cole, but he not knowing my situation,
sent word that it was not convenient. Brother James came in to
see me and asked me to go home. I thought it was not best in mv
weak state, for I felt that I had no home, as 1 was violently oppos-
ed by my parents. I felt unwilling to leave my work, as I was
tending three looms, and had calculated to make out a certain sum
of money by the first of February, for my brother James. I ask-
ed my sister to go and get me some assafoetida pills, I took three '
of them and went to bed and slept sound all night. In the morn-
ing I told my sister, who slept with me, I should not go in to work.
She then began to scold, and shook me with anger, because I did
not wish to rise. Then 1 asked her to let me alone, and told her
it was very wicked At that time Miss Lufkiacame into the room
and told her to Ii5t me alone, upon that she did, and began to pre-
pare to go to her work. I asked her not to come back, for I did
not want her with me. I thought she was not a proper person to
be with me, as she did not understand my spiritual life. I went
down and took my breakfast and returned up stairs to avoid my
sister's saying anything.

Soon my sister returned and I asked her to send for my minis-
ter. She said I should not see him nor any one of those people.
I began to reason with her, and asked her why I could not see
my own minister, and if I had not a right to choose my own peo-
ple to worship God with; but I could not prevail upon her. I ask-
ed to see my brother James, but this request v>'as not granted. I
perceived my weaknesrf was increasing and I thought the people
of God ought to do for me. This was on Mohday. About 4 o'-
clock in the afternoon Dr. Wheelock Graves came in to see me,
and sat about ten minutes and conversed mostly with my sister

15

about Mr,. Miller, saying that he ought to be horsewhipped or put'w'
in prison. I concluded that my brother and sister had been tell-
ing him that I was one of his converts, although my sister profess-
es to be washed by the blood of the Lamb. The Doctor felt of my
puise. I told him he did not understand, my situation. He pre-
scribed nothing for me and left the room, my sister sat sewing and
did nothing for me. At night after the girls came out of the mill
there was a great rush into rny room, which increased my excite-
ment. My room was full, some saying one thing, some another,
while others were laughing. I asked Esther Richer, who stood
laughing, to ga out, as she had opposed me much about attending
meeting among the Christian denomination. Upon that a good
sister in Christ by the name of Townsend, said she thought there
were too many in my room, and then they all left me alone with
my sister. I thought I had hindered her some by her taking her
work home from the shop, and 1 offered to sew for her. She took
the work out of my hand and told me to go to bed. My sister slept
with me. I spoke to her in the night, and she scolded me for it.
As soon as I heard Miss Lufkin up in the morning I went to the
door and asked her to take care of me and not let nie do wickedly
for my sister was unkind to mo. I felt the want of a kind friend. ^
She said she would, and made a fire in my room. I thought that
1 would give the world for a kind friend to take me and do for me.
Again I plead to s*ee Elder Cole, my minister, or some one of the
church. She said it was all in vain for me to say anything about
it. About noon Elder Cole came down to see me, hearing of my
situation. He talked kindly to me; thought I had Wurked too
hard and over exerted myself, and told me to take some valerian
tea, said he would send Dr. Sprague to see me. Miss Lufkin said
she thought Dr. Graves would tend me. I told them I did not
wish Dr. Graves, for he knew nothing about me nor spirituality. ^
I wanted Dr. Sprague, as he was knowing to my persecutions, |
and his wife was a dear sister to me in Christ Jesus. He had
been down to see me, but was not admitted. I told Elder Cole I
would do just as he told me. My sister had asked me if she should
send for brother Stephen.'' I told her no, for I did not wish him
to know any thing about me, for he had so cruelly treated me,
which before this I had kept to myself. Likewise his wife had
manifested the greatest hatred towards the present day reform of
preparing to meet Christ, and warning others to be also ready,
although she belongs to a congregational church. But I had en- |
deavored to keep the faith with her as with every one that profes- \
ses to be a follower of the Lamb. My sister took the advantage f
of my weakness, and unknown to me, sent for brother Stephen to |
come and get me. This brother resides in Boston. This was the ;
third day frt.m leaving my work; there had been nothing done for
me, although I have since learned that many of my aosociates call-

16

ed and offered to do for me, but were not permitted. What kind
of treatment is this in this Gospel land of light and liberty? The
spirit of the vilest persecutions began to be raised against me in
that house, and now was a favorable opportunity for it to be com-
pleted. About 4 o'clock brother Stephen came in and asked me
to go down and spend Thanksgiving with them, as he was up on
business, and asked Nancy and brother James likewise. We all
concluded to go; but I hesitated some, for 1 never had gone any
where after I had met with a change of heart, without going to do
God service, for I felt that I was not my own; I was bought with
a price, the precious blood of the Lamb. Brother Stephen said
he would be there in half an hour. I went and prepared myself;
took what work I thought I should want on a visit, and was sitting
in my room when my brother Stephen and Dr. Graves came in. —
The Doctor asked me if I was going on a visit with my brother.? —
I told him yes. They both went down stairs together into the
front room, and I went down and took my leave of the family. —
Little did 1 think that Dr. Graves was called in to give a line to
have me carried into an Insane Hospital — a poor girl that he knew
nothing about, nor the peculiar circumstances of the family, that
had always raised a report against me that I was deranged ever
since I went to New Hampton to school, because it was there that
I met with a change.

I have been particular in speaking ®f the manner of my life after
I met with a change, but to describe all that I lived up under,
would be more than I can write 'at this time. But truly I felt I had
come up out of great tribjlation, and was washed in the blood of
the Lamb, 1 had attained unto the power of Christ's resurrection,
my mind being unbiassed by any creed or doctrine of men. When
I was converted I knew nothing but Jesus and him Crucified.

I arrived at my brother's, that night itbout 7 o'clock. I met his
wife as usual. After tea I retired to a room with my brother's
wife, telhng her of my persecutions, and how God had revealed
himself to me. She said she thought it was wisdom in God not to
reveal his glory to us while here in the body. She had felt so
much the glory of God in her own soul that she had been almost
overpowered. She thought that God had nothing more for me to
do. What does such language imply? Is there a person this
side of the grave for wnom God has nothmg more to do? But I
did not know then that man had the knowledge to take the holy
spirit from a person by giving them medicine; but she had alieady
conceived the wicked deed in her heart, and knew where the aio-
ful crime could be done, and her very language expressed what
she knew was about to be done to me, although I did not then
suspect any evil. Had it been said to me in any other place but
a brother's house, and by a female, I should have suspected I was
about to be murdered, or some other brutal outrage committed up-

17

on me. If I had been among the rude barbarians I should not
have been so easily deceived; but I looked up to a sister to do for
rae, and asked her to let me stay with her, and I would sew or do
any thing for her; but she appeared to be very angry with me ev-
ery time that I spoke about what God had done for me. I said but
little to any one when I retired, for sister Nancy and Sophia, bro-
ther Stephen's wife, went with tiie into my room. In my usual
manner before I laid my head upon my pillow, I knelt by my bed
and silently offered my prayer to God. My sister Nancy said
*'see that,'' and Sophia answered " / am sorry to see it.'' I said
nothing, but thought it very strange that in this christian land any
one should be sorry to see another on their bended knees before
an holy God, and especially one that knew me so well as a sister.
I slept sound all knight, and felt much refreshed in the morning,
and happy that 1 had got away from a house where I had been so
persecuted. How little did I know where 1 was to be carried, and
what was about to be done to me. O, that a dagger had been"

PLUNGED INTO MY HEART IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR, for what I have

suffered here is beyond the power of language to describe. And
then every source of happiness is taken from me here and here- \
after, to be forever tormented in fire. It may be looked upon as
derangement or delusion, but as true as there is a God that sitteth|
upon his eternal throne, so true this awful crime has been done to|
me; and let any one reasonably look upon the treatment that I re-!
ceived, it will show it was nothing- but a spirit of the vilest persecu-s
tion. But my wicked relations that hated me without a cause arel
screened from the law of our country, and in part from public cen-|
sure, together Avith the Doctors; and it may be thrown back upon^
me that I am a poor deranged person; but God only knows the?'
distress that my body is every moment in, and then that I never^
can be relieved. Wednesday, the 24th, I passed as I usually did
while on a visit to my brother's, not suspecting that they were
looking upon me as a deranged person, and above all, knowing
that horrid crime could, be done to me and plunge me into everlast- .
ing misery, a poor innocent, unprotected sister, that had toiled
late and early to get along. Thursday, 25th Nov., Thanksgiving
day of 1840, I arose, took breakfast, and found brother Stephen's
wife in bed with the sick head-ache. The girls all seemed to be
engaged, and I, of course, in my way to do for the sick wherever
I was, waited upon her. Brother Eben, wife and children had
come in to pass the day, from Jamaica Plain. I began to play
with them, as I always did; but I observed they did not greet rae V
with that affectionate liveliness they were accustomed to. I took
no notice of it to let them know it. About 10 o'clock, while I sat
at my work in the parlour, my brother Stephen came in and ask-
ed me to go to a ride with him. This surprised me, as our broth-
ers were never very attentive to iheir sisters; but I thought he
2*

18

pitied me on account of my troubles, knowing the life that I had
tried to live. I told him I did not care about going to ride, as it
was not my health, but my spiritual life which he did not under-
stand, and asked him to let me stay with Sophia, and I would sew
or do any thing for them; he said he wanted me to go and see a
physician. 1 told him it was not a physician that I wished to see,
I should rather see some minister, who would better understand
my situation. He said I should not see any one. I then asked
him to let the see Mr. Winslow, his own minister, as I always lik-
ed him very much, as he is a very spiritual minded man. He said
no, I should not see him. He said the Doctor was a pious man.
I asked what church he belonged to; he answered Mr. Winslow's.
I then said, well, I will go and see him, thinking it would do no
harm. Upon that, he said with a great degree of triumphant feel-
ing, ihafs the place for such ones as you are. Could a brother em-
bue his hands in the blooxl of a sister's eternal life, to take the ad-
vantage of her weakness, put her under locks and keys, and hire
men to do the awful crime; and is there such a house where this
crime can be done and tolerated, by the public upholding men that
are willing to be hired to do the greatest of all crimes, and poor
beings cannot help themselves, nor any kind friend get to them to
protect them? Is this done in this free and happy land? Because
I differed from some of my family in my religious opinion must I
be taken and imprisoned? But if that was all, 1 would not notice
it any more than I ever did all their previous unkind treatment. —
I had always done for myself from the time that I was in my 15th
year, and received no assistance from any one of the family, and
had endeavored to support a good character, although I was call-
ed to walk in the humble walks of life, and had often met with the
cold neglect of the rich and popular class of the world because I
was a poor factory girl. My brothers had never offered to do for
me or to help me along. Each one of us had to do for ourselves;
but they might have treated me with common humanity. I never
t'lought labor dishonored any one, but while I was on a visit to
see my brother Stephen, his wife requested me not to let any one
know that I worked in a, factory, which made me very unhappy;
and because 1 went to Great Falls to work in the factory, brother
Stephen sent my things in a fictitious name, not wishing any one
to know that he had a sis er that worked in the factory, which
caused me to be suspected of being a loose character. I was on-
ly in my 19lh year, and a stranger to every one in the place. —
God only knows what I had to live up under. But 1 said nothing
to any one about it, only to my oldest sister, Mary, as all my
troubles I confided in her; but to return to my subject. Soon a»
my brother ICi't the room, I went into Sophia's room and told her
what my brother had said. She again said she thought God had
nothi?ig more for me to do; b'ut what she meant I did not know. —

19

After dinner, brother Stephen came into the room and said, now
Elizabeth we will have that ride that we spoke ol". I went and
prepared myself, but again I went and talked with Sophia, I told
her it would do no good to go and see a physician, for they knew
nothing about spirituality, and it would injure the cause of God.
She said, O no, God has nothing more for you to do; get your
health and I will come and see you in two or three days. I was not
expecting to stop, but would go and see the Doctor because I
could not contend any more. After I got into the chaise with my
brother, 1 began to reason with him upon the foolishness of going
to see a physician. He said it was a young ladies' boarding place 1/
and the Doctor was a pious man, and 1 could have any thing that
I wanted. I told him I thought it very foolish to throw away so
much money, as our parents were poor. Better do good with it,
for I knew what the world was; they cared for nothing if they
could but get money, and I did not wish to be among strangers.
He would not barken to what 1 said, but said he was willing to pay
my board three or six months, or longer, and that's the place for
such ones as I was. If I had been a disturber of the peace of any
community or family, well he might have said so; but then we have
laws in this country, by which a person may be tried, and made to
suffer the penalty of the law they break. 1 was non-resistant. I
said every thing that I could say. After we arrived there I was ^
introduced to Dr. Bell, in his parlour. He asked me to relate my
christian experience. (I wish the reader to mark the manner in
which the doctor addressed me, for what has a physician to do
with a person's christian experience?) In my usual manner I
asked him if he had a change of heart? He said yes, to avoid an
argument, I told him I never argued or disputed about religion.
He said then he had not what the world called a change. I told
him then he must excuse me from saying any thing about my
christian experience, as he would not understand it. JVIy brother
began to urge me together with the Doctor. I did not knov/ why y.
I must relate my christian experience to a Doctor and an uncon-*/
verted man at such a time, for it seemed to me like mockery. I
refused again and again, but, no, I must relate it. Being no longer
able to withstand these entreaties I told what God had done for me
to that time. Spoke of being bound in fhe spirit and 1 felt a bon-
dage of soul. He said he could give me something to relieve that
bondage of soul and benig bound ia the spirit. I told him I should-
rather be with my own folks and I should rather not stop. Upon
that my brother and the Doctor both began to urge me vehemently
and said I had no respect to any one's judgment. I had always
provided for myself, and why I should be so urged to stay at a
boarding place when I did not wish to, I did not know; and I told
the Doctor I- did not know what he had to do with my soul. But
they both said so much I told them" I would stay, as every thing in

^i

20

the room indicated respectabi'ity. They went out of the room,
and while they were gone I thought it was no place for me, think-
ing it was a ladies' boarding place among the popular class, and
"was not the place for a christian in such a weak state. I went
out and asked my brother to take me back with him. He seemed
t© be so angry with me he could hardly control his feeling. He
put his hand upon my shoulder and gave me a push, and said he
could not carry me back, but would come and see me the next
day; I then returned into the parlor and began to take off my things
when a tall, black eyed, masculine looking female came and took
me by the arm and asked me if she should wait upon me up stairs.
I thanked her and walked up stairs with her, thinking she was
going to show me my sleeping room. She waited upon me into a
long painted gallery with sleeping rooms on both sides, and she
left the room. There were a number of ladies sitting around in
the gallery. I went to the window to take a view of the prospect,
and the iron grate met my eye. I turned to a lady and asked her
if she would inform me what those iron grates were at the window
for. She made me no reply. I turned to another and asked her,
and she made no reply, but rose and went into her room. I ask-
ed her pardon, I did not intend any offence, I was a stranger there.
I then went to the door to go down into the parlor whei;^ I came
out; but I found the door locked. Upon that I made the expres-
sion ''grated ivi/idows, and locked doov, where am I.'"' Upon that,,
a female stepped out of her room, I perceived she was not such
a person as I had ought to be with at that time. She took me by-
waist and said they were kind folks there. 1 asked her where I
was, and wished to see the lady of the house, and asked her to let
me alone; but no one would give me any answer. About dark
the bell rung to call the ladies down 'to tea. A very modest young
lady came out of her room and asked me if she should walk with
rae down to tea. I thanked her, and I was waited upon down into
a large room where there was a large table set with all kinds of
refreshments. The company presented a strange appearance, the
peculiarity of their dress, and many things did not look right. I
wondered how my brother came to place me among such crea-
tures, in my weak state. I drank a cup of tea and left the room,
thinking it was no place for me, for I had longsince left balls and
parties, and scenes of mirtlifulness. Miss Barbei*, the same one
that had waited upon me up into the gallery, asked me where I was
going. I told her I wished to retire to my room. She waited on
me up into the same gallery. I went into one of the rooms and
knelt down and asked God to deliver me from that place, and to
return me to the people ofGod, Soon Mary Brigham, the atten-
dant, came into the gallery, 1 asked her many questions to find
out where I was, and what kind of boarders they kept there; but
ghe would make me no reply, I asked her if the hourly went inta

21

Boston from there, but she made me no reply: she had the marks
of a methodist. I thought if she loved God, if I talked of the love
of God, I should draw her towards me. I told her how I loved
God, and said many things about sanctification, but she made me
no reply. 1 thought this was very strange treatment. I then
asked her for something to take. She said the Doctor never gave
anything under two days. I told her it was necessary, and that I
wanted some valerian tea; but she said I could not have any thing
that night, and when the bell rvng nine, she said it was the hour
for the ladies to retire. I went to my room and asked Miss Brig-
ham if my door fastened; she said yes. I asked her for the key; ..
she said she locked the door and kept the key. After I had retir-
ed she came into my room and took my clothes out. I asked her ,
what that was for; she said it was the rule of the house, and she
locked me in alone. I did not sleep any all night, from the excite-
ment of the day, and wondering what my brother should place me
with such characters for. I came to the conclusion that it was a
place where females of ill-fame boarded, with physicians to get
help in time of trouble. In the morning when Mary Brigham came
and unhicked my door, 1 told her I had not slept any all night. — ^
She said, well, ihaVs nothins;. I asked her to let me see the Doc-
tor as soon as possible, for 1 wished to return in the first h urly.
She made me no reply. I rose and went to the upper end of the
gallery and'asked Miss Brigham to excuse me from going to the
table, as my dress was ftot adjusted, and had not brought my combs
and hair brush with me, and asked her to let me have a cup of cof-
fee there. She threw a hair comb into my lap and commanded me
to come to the table; upon which I adjusted ray dress as soon as
possible and went to the table. Every thing presented a strange
appearance. Great tin lid pots and a wooden waiter and broken
dishe«. A plate of crackers set on the end of the table where I t/'
sat; I went to take one, and one of the ladies spoke and said they
were hers, but I might have one; I asked her to excuse me, and
took a piece of bread. After breakfast I went to go into my room, .
as I had not slept any all night, and found my door locked ; I went
and sat down and asked if there was any christians there, when
one lady said she was a baptist, and she knew a Mary Stone in
Boston. I told her it was my sister. I asked her to be my friend,
and she said she would, and that I might lay down in her room.
Accordingly she went into her room with me and covered me up
in her bed and shut the door; just as I had got into a sweet sleep,
Mary Brigham came. in and ordered me up. I rose and asked her
to let me lay down in my room, as I had not slept any all night. —
She said the ladies were not allowed to lay down in the day time.
One of the ladies told me to ask ihe supervisor to let me have my
room door open What it meant to have a supervisor in a ladies'
boarding house I knew not; but when she came in I found it was

22

the same one that had waited upon me into the gallery, I asked
her to be my friend, and told her she did not know how I did love
God; she said she would be my friend, but she did not want any
silly fancies. What she meant I did not know, for 1 did not know
there was any fancy about Christianity. I asked her i( I could have
a bowl of valerian tea a^d have my door open to lay down. She
said yes, and told Mary Brigham to open my door; just as I had
got into asleep again, Mary Brigham and Miss Barber came and
threw off'the clothes. I being weak and excited got up and asked
if my brother had come, for he said he would come and see me
the next day. I waiited to get with some one that knew me, for
such treatment as thia I did not know wkat to make of. Miss Bar-
ber immediately left the room and they would give me no answer.

I went to my room to lay down, but found my door locked and I
could not have the privilege of laying down again that day. About

II o'clock Dr. Fox, the assistant physician, came in and began to
converse wiih me; I told him it was not my reason that was effect-
ed, or any distress of mind, but. I had undergone a cleansing or
purifying by being washed in the blood of the Lamb; that I had
tasted of tiie good word, and the powers of the world, too, and that
I was weak and v,'anted some valerian tea, or semething to calm
me; he said that I must not think I was so filled with the spirit;
any minister would laugh at me. I repeated some past ages of the
Scriptures to him; one was that St. Paul says, "Be ye '.jlled with
the fullness of Gnd." He said it was because St. Paul saw the
Lord Jesus. I told him that made no diflference, all had got to go
the same way to heaven; that I stood upon the Gospel, but I never
disputed about religion. He said he would give me something to
calm and strengthen me; but nothing was brought me until noon,
nor did my brother come to see me. After I had retired, Mary
Brigham came into my room and said she had got some medicine
for me. /rose up and took it, thinking it was something to do me
good. It was a pill and a li'.tle mug of mixture, and Mary Brig-
ham went out and locked the door; but O, alas how little did I
know where I was and what I was put into that house for. Such
a crime I never read of and it is covered up under the garb of de-
rangement, and I am the poor sufferer. As soon as I took it I was
thrown into most violent pain and distress, beyond the power of
language to describe, neither can I give any one an adequate idea.
The medicine effected my brain, the back part of my head, hard-
ened or petrified it, and the brain is the seat of the nerves, and any
one can conceive of the distress that I must be thrown into all over
in my body, every nerve in me drawing and straining convulsively.
Sometimes I was almo«t drawn back double and then forward,
rolling in the bed from one side to the other in the greatest ago-
ny. When my door was unlocked in the morning I rose, I had
wept bitterly all night. The thoughts of my, situation, and for so

strange a thing as it may appear, that medicine can be given to
destroy the work of Grace in a person, even so it can be done,
and Dr. Bell and Dr. Fox both possess that knowledge of giving
medicine to accomplish this awful outrage upon Christianity; and
it is done under the garb of derangement, and they are screened
from public censure, and it is a greater crime than that they had
tortured me to death any way that I ever read of. As I come oul
of my room a young lady asked me what made me weep; so I took
her hand and asked her to tell me where I was, and what kind of
people I was with. She asked me if I did not know, and I told
her no. She then told me that I wa^ in the Insane Assylum. I
then knew that I was betrayed into the hands of the wicked to be
destroyed. I told her that the medicine that they had given mo
was killing the spirit of Christ in me; and that I was lost. I be-
gan to lose all idea of holiness. But 1 knew it would be covered
up under the garb of derangement, and then I recollected what
my brother Stephen's wife said, " that God had nothing more for
me to do." Of course, if any one has not the spirit of Christ, they
cannot serve God. It is not only a belief, but they, must have the
spirit. Dr. Fox came in about 10 o'clock; while I was layino- on
the bed he stood looking at me, with Miss Barber. My jaws were
unlocked. He made the remark to Miss Barber that he did not
know whether it was the fulfillment of the prophecy, "there shall
be knashing of the teeth," or whether it was hallooing "glory to
God," so much. Oh, hov little they knew of the reason of my
losing my ballance. It was my exerting myself so much after I
had become a spiritual being, having no kind friend to do for me.
But 1 said- nothing; 1 asked for the privilege of writing, which v^as
granted. I wrote to brother Stephen's wife, and asked her to
come and see me that afternoon, as soon as she got the letter, fo
I could not believe that a female could be accessory to such a
crime, although I well recollect how angry she appeared to be
every time I spoke of what God had done for me. The Doctor
said he would send it. That day, Saturday, passed away without
bringing a ly one to see me. I thought cf my kind christian
friends, my loved friend Nancy Sanborn; but now forever separa-
ted from her, no more could we fondly anticipate going to the far
West together, to be the instruments, in the hands of God, of ex-
panding the immortal mind in knowledge, and teach the way of
salvation to poor sinners. But now taken by the cunning crafti-
ness of my relations, I was enclosed within bolted doors and grat-
ed windows, where I could not make my escape, nor my friends
px'event the brutal outrage that they were committing upon me. —
Reader, for a moment imagine yourself in my situation. If you
are not a christian you do not .wish to undergo pain, neither do
you desire to be miserable, nor to be separated from your friends,
with entire strangers that you never saw before, for it is contrary

24

to the laws that God has written in your nature. But I was a poor
factory girl, without any rich father to protect me, or pious moth-
. er to plead my cause, and 1 could say with David, I was an alien
*^ from my mother's womb, to my mother's children, and in my
weakness they sprang upon me. They would not let my christian
friends do for me, neither would they do lor me themselves. I
had friends that would have gladly done for me; long and dear ac-
quaintances, both christians and unconverted, who would have
opened their doors to me before they would have seen me the
third day of my illness turned out of doors by Miss Lufkin, in my
weakness, because I wished to serve God in spirit and in truth,
j according to my profession, and carried off into a hospital or a
T devil's den here upon earth, for I call these Insane Assylums no-
thing less. But it is not the imprisonment or the cruel treatment
that I received there that I speak of, for 1 would have borne that
without a mv!?mur. But it is the medicine they gave me that rack-
ed and tortured and killed the spirit of Christ within me. It is
that spirit that gives a person a hatred to sin, supports them up
under any torture. Christian reader, whatever name you may
bear, it is you and you only that can truly feel for my distressed
s'tuation, deceived into th.it house in such an unlaw^ful manner,
ev^en if I had been deranged. I had property, and I ought to have
had a guardian appointed, and kind steps taken with me. But to
return to my subject: a table was spread, and a party, the Doctor
being one of the number, sat down to play cards. The most un-
qualified language came out of their mouths. I could hear the
groans of the distressed all around me, some weeping to see their
r friends, some for one thing, and some for another; and I in the
,; most awful distress, without one kind friend to speak to me; an in-
i voluntary groan came with my breath. Again the medicine was
I brought to me; I told the attendant it was destroying me, harden-
\ ing my brain, and taking the spirit of Christ from me; she said I
must take it. I did not know what to do, I could not help myself;
to resist I knew would not do, and yet having partly the spirit of
Christ, which is non-resistant, I took it, which increased my dis-
tress. I was again locked into my room and left to weep and roll
in my bed all knight, thinking of my dear friends, not relations. —
But oh, they would not have dared to have done the crime out of
that house, under the pretence of insanity, to screen my wicked
relations, that htive been incensed against me ever since I met
with a change of heart. Sunday morning came, and thus, in one
short week, was I brought to my sad fate, for the want of a kind
christian friend to step in between me and my cruel persecutors,
and wicked tyranical relations. This dav passed away; the medi-
cine was brought me to take twice a day, pills and a little mug of
mixture; what it was I do not know, but I think I could tell the
different kinds that I took if I could see them. Monday, 29th,

25

spassed away without any one coming to see me. Tuesday came,
-and I again asked the privilege of writing, which was granted. I
wrote to my brother S. asked him to come and see me immediate-
ly, as he promised. The Doctor said he would send it, but the
day passed away without any one coming. My distress became
more violent. I told the Doctors they were taking from me my
eternal happiness, by taking from me the spirit of Christ, I was -^
informed by one of the patients that they did not send the letters
they gave me liberty to write. I conversed with Dr. Fox about
my situation, and of the knowledge of this medicine, and why the
world did not know it. He said that my brother knew all about it
before I was brought there, and what I had got to suffer, and what
my situation would be.- Reader, can you imagine what my suffer-
ings were? No, you cannot. If you had witnessed them you
might have then conceived of my dreadful agony. Telling of my
'distress and lost condition, I was mocked and ridiculed. This
week passed away.

Sunday came again, Dec. 5. No one had come to see mev I
was left mostly alone in the gallery. The attendant and some of
the patients had gone to meeting. One of the attendants came in
and talked with me ; she spoke more kind to me than any one had
since I come into the house. I told her my situation, and how I
was a poor girl, and had from the age of 15 done for myself, and
had never been sick, or any expense to the family or any other one*
She seemed to express a deal of sympathy for me. She said it was
a house of distress. I asked her how long she had been there j she
said, I think, from six to eight years. She said she wished she had
seen me when I fiist had been brought into that house. I then ask-
ed her if she knew that clnistians could be destroyed there. She
seemed not inclined to express her mind freely to me, but said that
she had been tried much in her feelings, to see poor christians so
trouWed about their religion in that house, and if their friends knew
what was best for then) they would not bring them there. She de-
sired me to control my feelings as much as possible. If I did not, I |
should be showered. I tlien enquired, what that meant ; she then |
described it to me, that I should be stripped of all my clothes, arid |
cold water poured upon me, and I should be carried on to another |
gallery, where the society would not be so pleasant, neither the ac- f
cominodations so good. I told her that my distress was so great
that it was impossible. I then asked her how she could be know-
ing to such a crime and not to make it known to the world, for it
was worse than murdering a person in this life. She said she sup-
posed my folks knew all about it before I was brought there, but
they would not be likely to tell me, and she bid me good bye. It
seemed good to have any one speak kind to me, although ! had theh
nearly lost all idea of holiness. When she left me, I laid myself
down upon the floor, and wept bitterly ; I then thought I would
3

26

make way with myself, for 1 was betrayed ; my relations had atlast
vented their revenge upon me, and now 1 was an outcast forever^
and never more could be happy. I was now separated forever from
my loved friends. I thought of a much loved friend, Phebe Weir,
who knew me before 1 was converted, one that I used to talk much
with about my spiritual life. 0, that she could but behold me. —
Soon they returned from meeting, but to cease from weeping and
groaning, was impossible, for every nerve in me was drawing and
twinging as though they would break. Christian reader, keep in
mind that the spirit of Christ was killed in me, or I could have bles-
sed and praised God, amidst all this suffering. But this distress of
body was caused by the medicine given to me, to take away the
spirit of Christ. It may appear like derangement, but what 1 tell
you is the truth. Monday, 1 had endeavored to keep in my room
as much as possible, and to keep from groaning, though it come vol-
untary, for I dreaded to be carried on to another gallery, exposed
and showered with cold water. But my sufferings would not cease
in this world. I could not look forward to nevei ending eternity
of happiness, for the idea of love had gone from me. I neither lov-
ed God, nor this world. My body was now, as it were, dead ; my
brain was becoming a mineral substance, all but my intellectual,
faculties. In the afternoon. Miss Barber came in, in her masculine
manner, to all appearance to exult in human misery, and asked me
to take her arm. I knew I was going on to another gallery. I
said nothing, for it would be of no use ; hearts that are so hardened
in cruelty as they must be to do such crimes, would not listen to
entreaty. Accoidingly I was led on to another gallery. Here I
found perfectly deranged people, and some appeared to be in a
great deal of distress. Esther Benton, the attendant, at first, was
quite kind to me, but soon she began to show her power. She
knew well my situation, for she had seen others suffer similarly
about their religion in that house, and I was regarded as a vaga-
bond, as truly 1 am. But would I have willingly thrown myself
away ? Is it not a law in nature that every body desires happiness?
But alas, for the want of a kind friend, I am lost to r.ll happiness
here and hereafter. I cannot enjoy carnal non-spiritual things. I
stayed in this gallery about a week, when Miss Barber came in one
morning and said I must go down in the other gallery if 1 cried so.
I told her to carry me, for it was the place of the greatest cruelty
that I ever knew. How they x^ould witness a poor female suffer as
I did, and to be accessory to it, I thought of all the cruelly I ever
read of I never read of any equal to this. She led me down among
perfect maniacs, in a cold, dark, cheerless room, with. no seat to sit
on. Again I talked with Dr. Fox, and told him that my brother
told me it was a young ladies' boarding house, and the Doctor was
a pious man, and I expected to be taken under a Godly influence,
instead of being torn to pieces in this manner, by medicine. 1

27

thought eternal life was of more importance than this life, and we
ought to seek the soul's salvation of each other. He said, ihey did
not do such things there, it was a place to get health, and he laughed
at me for coming there, I told him he might try to keep it covered
up under the garb of derangement, but 1 believed it would yet be
exposed, although I was the poor sufterer. He said both male and |
female had suffered it before me, and would not publish it because \
it would be looked upon as derangement, and no one would believe I
it. I then asked him if holiness was liable to become a disease and "^
medical men knew it, ought they not to publish it to the world that
every thing should be done for a person first by the people of God,
before the medicine was given to them, and had such a crime ought
to go under the garb of derangement, and poor creatures suffer for-
ever in consequence of it. He seemed to think it was a very light
thing, and laughed at me and said I had prayed too much. This is
Dr. Fox, a member of the congregational church. Is this not worse
than any crime that ever was practised upon a poor helpless crea-
ture in any place of wickedness upon the face of the earth. 1 found
the attendiint, Mrs. Enierson, very kind to me uniformly, in this
gallery, and she often spoke of the cruel treatment of that house. —
1 stayed in this gallery until about the 26th of Dec, when Miss
Barber came in and said that I must go to the cottage, or it might^
more properly be called a stone dungeon, where there are six cells,
and some of them have a straw bed. The cell that I occupied had
one; but oh, they might have shut me up in a stone dungeon and
made me fast in the strap and buckle, and I would have praised God ; '
but no, 1 could not pray to God, my brain was like a mineral sub-
stance. I was now enclosed in a stone dungeon, but I had a kind
attendant by the name of Sarah Brown. If 1 spoke of my situation
and of the sweets of redeeming love, I was mocked and laughed at
by the Doctors, and Miss Barber seemed to exult in my misery. I
often plead to see some of my relations, especially brother Stephen,
who carried me there, but my request they refused. I often spoke
to the Trustees about my situation and the manner of my life, and
how cruelly I was deceived into that house ; but say what you will,
it is regarded as derangement by them. I had been in this stone
dungeon about three or four days, I come to the conclusion that I
had nothing to live for; I was in distress of body, from the crown
of my head to the sole of my foot. I was guilty of the blood of the
covenant. I now did not love God or this world. My learning was
now taken from me, that I had labored hard to acquire. My good \
name, which is better than precious ointment, was now gone. I |
had become an outcast of earth and heaven. My food tasteless; I I
had no longer any object to pursue. 1 accordingly made up my |
mind to take my life that night. For that purpose I tore a piece of' |
the sheet off. I then thought of my hard labors and striving to get'' |
along, and my desire to set a bright example, and wlwt had it profits ' '

ed me, that in my weakness T should be taken and shut up where no»
kind friend could approach to save me from the brutal outrage of
man. I expected never again to see any one that I knew upon
earth, and that while here 1 must be among the worst of characters.
The attendant came in and bid me good night. I thought she was
the last human being I should ever see ; 1 had got to go into hell's
torment if I lived ; and to live any longer I thought there was no
use. I laid down thinking 1 would wait until all was still. About
12 o'clock, I judge, I rose and walked up and down my cjell, think-
ing that my life had become a burden to me. I thought of my loved
companions, my loved New Hampton teachers, and that happy cir-
cle of acquaintances, and then how cruelly the cry had been raised
about me of being insane, in order to get me shut up, where this aw-
ful crime could be done; how cruelly Caroline DammerS had in-
censed my brother Stephen aguinst me, a young lady that I had
done so much for; she had been down in the summer and talked to
my brother's folks about my being so engaged in behalf of poor sin-
ners, which was my meat and drink. If it was looked upon as de-
rangement, it was something that made me happy and it did not
lead me to do evil, but now 1 could not commit myself to (Jod, nei-
ther did I think by putting an end to my life, that I should cease
from one state of suffering and cruel tyranny. I put the string
round my neck, and attached it to a hinge of the door. I gave my
weight to the string, and began to lose all sense of feeling, the last I
knew; the first thing I knew again, I found myself laying on the
floor, in violent agony, hardly knowing anything. How long I had
laid there I know not. The sweat was pouring out of me profusely.
At first I could not move, but gradually coniti to. I recollected
what I had attempted to do, and felt for the string and found it had
broken, and that was the cause of my laying on the floor. I thought
I would try the second time, and made the attempt, but was so weak
that I could not manage. I began to feel a violent pain in my face,
found my chin was badly cut, and thought probably my jaw was
broken, for it hurt me to move it. I layed down and thought if it
was broken it would be less painful to have it attended to, than to
wait until morning. I called to the attendant, whose room was
in the corner of the building. She came in and asked me what was
the matter, I feigned io;norance. She said their was a great deal
of blood upon the floor, and that my chin was badly hurt. She call-
ed Miss Barber, they examined and found it not broken ; M'ent out
and left me alone again for the night, but I was so weak that 1 could
not attempt my life again. 'I'he next day the mark was observed
upon my neck, and it was suspected that I had attempted to make
Jf way with myself, and then I had the leather muff put on. Kut
■what they could wish to keep such a miserable suffering creature
alive for, I did not know, but several of the attendants advised me
not to take my life, but try to get out and publish it to the world^-^^

29

I told them I would, for if others had published it before me, I might
have been saved from suffering heue and hereafter. Although my
account was sealed with God, yet I remembered the sweets of re-
deeming love, and how good it was to pray to God ; but now through
the instrumentality of the wicked, in my weakness, I must suffer
forever. But the poor sons of God that have suffered this before
me, probably have taken their lives, for Dr. Fox says that he has ex-
amined the bodies of those that have had the holy spirit taken away
from them, as I have, and said they are the same, only they are con-
tracted. I stayed in the dungeon until the month of March, weep-
ing and groaning my hours away. About the last of March I was.
carried back from the dungeon to the gallery I left. Miss Emerson
was my attendant. The day I was carried back was very cold, and
Miss Barber ordered me to be locked up in my room, to exercise
her authority over me. Miss Emerson was a good nurse. She said
it was too cold for me to be there, coming out of such a warm room '*
as the dungeon was. She went and asked Miss Barber to let me
come out ; but no, she must keep me locked up. Miss Emerson
came in and told me I had better lay down, for she knew the
change of air was too much for me, even if I sat out in the gallery,,
by the furnace, for this gallery is a cold comfortless place. To-
wards night my distress increased, till it seemed as though every
bone in me would fall apart. It seemed as though my breath would
leave my body. Miss Emerson said she has told Miss Barber how
cold I was, but she did not regard it. But I was not the only suf-
ferer on account of their cruel treatment. Others were suffering the
like in different ways. I stayed in this gallery till about the last of
July, weeping and roiling on the floor, in pain, not allowed to lay
on my bed, and often stripped and showered, as I was told I should.]
be, as a punishment for weeping, because I was in distress, and lost!
to eternal happiness, and deprived of my liberty, in the hands of ty-'
rants. One day, while I was laying on the floor in agony, Dr. Fox
came in and said that brother James had been there. I asked him
what was the reason he did not let me see him, and he said he did
not wish to see me ; he was glad I was there, and wished I had
been two years before. This added double grief, and Dr. Bell
seemed delighted to tell me of it, to tantalize me, and that he was
so completely held up in his cruelty. I told him that this brother
did not know the agony that I was in, for I did not think he could
have the heart to rejoice in my misery, and to wish I had this bru-
tal act done to me two years before. This brother I had done for
more or less from a child ; he being the youngest, I had helped pay
his board, his tuition, bought him books and clothes, and all the
money that I had, I let him have to help him along; and could this
be the way he was rewarding me for it? In this land of liberty
where every one has a right to worship God as they please, must he
rise against me and worse than murder me, because I worshipped
3*

30

God contrary to his views. He believes all will go to heaven
whether they have in them the hcpc of glory or not. But he has a
right to his belief. My religion would not have led me to be acces-
sory to his imprisonment, and more especially to have medicine
given him to rack and torture him. One day when the trustees
were there, I addressed Mr Lowell about my situation; he gave a
listening ear, when Dr. Bell stepped forward and said my physician
said that I was a fit subject for the house. I told him I had no
physician, for 1 never was sick but once in my life, and that was
two years ago. He said he had a line from "VVheelock Graves, and
one from Elder Cole, my minister. This surprised me, that a lead-
er of God's people, to lead them out of sin, should give a line for a
poor girl to be carried into an Insane Assyium. He knew my case^
and had heard me tell how God had dealt with me. But I told Dr.
Bell 1 did not believe it, although it gave him the lie. I believed
Elder Cole to be too good a man and friend to humanity to wish to
destroy a young girl's character so much as to give a line for me to
be carried into an Insane Assyium, the third day of my leaving my
work. I asked Mr. Lowell to go and see my brother Stephen; but
it availed nothing, for they all understood the iniquity of tliat house.
I had not seen any one since I had been there that I ever saw be-
fore, excepting a Miss Dutton, that I met at Elder Hime's meeting
in Boston, vvho was there a private attendant to a lady for a short
time. In the month of May, Catharine, brother Eben's wife, came
to see me, I told her as niucli as possible what I had suffered, and
how destroyed I was, and asked her why she did not ttll me where
I was going, and what was to be done to ine. She said she did not
know it till I was just going out of the house, but I did not believe
it, for her husband was one of the bondsmen. This brother's wife
{ had loved much for her stron};; virtuous principles and piety. How
she could have been accessory to tiiis treatment towards me, to
screen them from public censure, I did not know ; but the deed was
done. She stopped about ten minutes, and said she would come
and see me again. But the summer passed away without one com-
ing to see me. I often plead with Dr. Bell to let me see some one,
but I was told that they <lid not wish to see me. 1 of course tliouglit
they did not, for 1 always was despised by the whole family, for what
idid not know. But I buried it all in my own heart, looking for-
ward when I should be forced fvom this world of trouble and sor-
row, for my forerunner was a man of sorrow, and acquainted with
grief; and I must bear all things even as he bore it. 1 had friends
tJiat were dear to me, and 1 thought i should like to see them once
more upon earth. The cruel mockery and ridicule that I had heap-
ed upon me there was enouj^h to cause any female to be sick of her
life. They seemed to take delight in saying things to try me. —
Miss Barber and Dr. Fox were in the gallery together, the Doctor
stood laugbing at nie, for i was in violent Aiistress and crying. He

31

said he thought I grew fat on it. Miss Barber said sneering! j, do
you not expect to enter the peSrly gates and walk the golden streets
of the city of the New Jerusalem ? 1 had lost all idea of holiness,
and I am utterly incapable of using good language. I thought of
what I once was, and to be brought to this low degraded state, to
suffer thus in a gospel land, grieved me.

It is the practice for physicians from other Assylums to visit
there, and see all the patients. One day there was a Dr. Kay,
with others from the Maine Assylum; Dr. Bell began to mock me
about being married, knowing that all my affections were dead,
to see what effect it would have upon me, holding my pulse at the
time, and laughing qt each other. To be made a subject of mock-
ery before men in this obscene manner was too much, I appealed
to his benevolence to spare me this cruel mockery; spoke of fe-
male character, and that I had done much to save females from .
the stream of pollution. My feelings were overcome, and I seiz-*"-
ed hold of a chair to save me from falling, but I was too far gone
and fell upon the floor, and then a roar of laughter. was set up by
all. I went into my room and layed myself upon the bed. I
thought of the poor slave, but oh, they do not know their happi-
ness; gladly would 1 exchange situations with any one that ever
suffered from the rude barbarian; and yet it is thrown back upon
me that it is derangement, and my cruel torturers are held up and
applauded. I sent a letter to brother Eben's wife, to come; but I
received no visit from her on account of her peculiar circumstan-
ces. I saw no one until the 22A of Dec. I had been there then
thirteen months, and had seen only brother Eben's wife. I plead
with my brother to let me go home; he said he was not willing,
bat I might come out to his house after his wife's health was bet-
ter. I felt that I was such an outcast that I had no people to go
to; but that a mother must have a mother's feelings, and I knew
Ti'^t who to look to in the world in my lost, ruined condition, but a
parent. My brother seemed to feel for my ruined condition, and
asked me why I did not tell what my situation was, for he knew
nothing about it only what they told him. This brother had never
opposed me in my religion, and I had always taken a very active
part in his family devotion, as his wife is a member of a congrega-
tional church. I told him I plead with Stephen not to leave «ne,
not knowing that it was an Insane Assylum, or what was to be
done to me. I told him how I was deprived the privilege of wri-
ting. He said he did not wish me treated ill, and wished me to
come out to h's house. I told him I waied to go home. He
stopped about an hour with me, and bid me good bye, and said he
would •come again. This was about the 24th of Dec. I asked
Dr. B«ll to let me write to my brother, stating that I would go out
to his bouse, for I wan.ed to get out of that place; he gave me a
very short answer; he said he was not willing that I should write

32

to my brother, ot any other one. I then told him that my brother
told me I could write to him anything that I wished. He said if
my brother told me so, he was not willing; I did not rest at this,
but constantly plead with him to grant me the privilege, but could
not prevail uptm him, for he said that my brother was glad I had
not accepted his invitation. Then I took the liberty of writing
without his consent, and handed it to Mr. Appleton, one of the
Trustees, requesting him to prevail on Dr. Bell to let him taks that
letter to my brother, and wrote one to Mr. Appleton at the same
time, stating the reason of taking that liberty. He told me he
would talk with Dr. Bell about it. The next day 1 asked Dr. Bell
if he had sent my letter; he said no; I asked him the reason; he
said it was because he thought my brother would not grtint my
request. In my letter I requested my brother to let me have a
change; if he thought it not proper to come to his house, to let me
go any where else. I saw no one again until March, when my
mother come to see me v ith brother E. I had written to have
him come and see me, and what my situation was. Little did I
think but what my parent knew of my situation when I was first
put in there. But I had been there about a year before they
knew any thing about it. She stopped about an hour. At first
she appeared to be quite affected; but my mother does not profess,
spirituality, and always opposed me about my religion, and often
said, after I met with a change, that she thought I was deranged.
Of course she regarded me as a deranged person. 1 plead her to
stay all night with me, but she returned Avith my brother that night,
and said she would come on Saturday. On Saturday she came on
the gallery to see me, about two o'clock, and returned with my
brother at six; I wished her to stay all night with me, but she was-
not willing. I wanted my mother to tell my brother to take me
out and let me go home with her. But. I always was regarded
with a great deal of coldness, and now I was looked upon as a poor
deranged person, and therefore found but little sympathy. My
mother left me without bidding me good bye, saying that she
should see me again. Brother Ebea came to see me, about four
weeks after. Still I plead with him to let me go home; but he
wanted me to come out to his house. I felt that I did not want to
go there, after he had said he was glad I did not accept his invita-
tion. But he has since told me he never said so, am! has siiewn
me a letter he wrote to me, saying that he wished me to write to
him, and to come out to his house; but Dr. Bell advised him not to
let me have the letter. On the 15th of April, brother William
came to seq me, from New York. This brother I had not seen
but once for about twelve years. He was much affected to hear
of my suffering; he said it had always been represented to him
that I was a perfect deranged person. He come again the next
day and toojt me out. 1 went to brother Eben'? that night, ancE
the next day William carried me home.

33

REMARKS

Upon the treatment of my brothers and sisters during my imprison^

ment, and the steps taken with me by them.
Secondly, remarks in general concerning the Hospital and the Offi-
cers of the Institution.

Firstly, — If my brothers and sisters desired my good by placing
me in the Insane Assylum, and the Doctors have taken the advan-
tage of my weakness and my brother's ignorance of my true state
at that time, and it has proved to be my everlasting ruin, by the
Doctors giving me that medicine which racked and tortured me
and destroyed my phisical health and ease of body and mental
happiness. Their motive can be determined by their treatment
and attention while there, and the manner of the treatment that I
have received in hearing of my sufferings. For good motives al-
ways lead to good and kind actions. I have given in general a
detail of the steps that were taken with me from the time of my
leaving my labour on Saturday, before 1 was carried to the Hos-
pital, on the Thursday following, and after I was there, their atten-
tion to me. I appeal to the public mind if this was good, kind and
just treatment; if it was only my earthly happiness destroyed 1
should rejoice amidst it all. I was taken out by my brother Will-
iam, from New York; but now I have no society, I cannot resort
to God and to God's people for comfort, and take happiness in the
service of God, for I have not happiness within myself, as it is the
spirit of Christ that makes us happy, and enables us to look for-
ward to never ending eternity of bliss. Now that spirit is taken
from me by medicine, and it leaves my body in distress, from the
crown of my head to the sole of my foot, without carnal love of this
world, or the love of God. Of course without the spirit of Christ
we cannot love God. I am thrown out upon the world without
any thing to help myself with. My money that I labored hard for,
late and early, confined to a factory life, is taken by my brothers.
They are not willing to give me my ©wn, or to help me. I am un-
able to work, my body is in such distress; and I have no spirit to
support me under any thing, and am dependant upon the kindness
of friends who have been deceived about me, by the false report
that I was deranged, while all the time I was suffering the greatest
cruelty that could be practised upon an immortal being. They
feel distress for me, although it is a crime they never heard of be-
fore, and maoy of them wonder that I have a particle of reasoik

34

left, and do not wonder at my altered looks and language, and feel
that such a crime should be exposed to the world. It is not the
popular clergy that will be seized upon and carried into that house
and have this medicine forced down them, but the poor honest
hearted christian that is despised and cast out, and trodden under
foot like the despised Nazarine. This havoc among the saints of
God, by infidels, has been going on for years, undoubtedly, and
when they have told of it on getting out of their power, it has beea
looked upon as derangement, and their account being sealed with
God, they have not undertaken to publish it; but I will, whether it
is or not; and if my brothers wilfully hired those Doctors to give
me that medi nne, to take from me my eternal life, because 1 dif-
fered from them in my religion, may God bring it to light, and the
guilty not go unpunished. Females are engaged in this horrid
crime, and do know thai it can be done. Relief Barber, Mary
Erigham and Esther Benton, who are engaged in the service of
that house, and my brother's wife, were knowing to it before I was
carried there. Brothers Eben, Stephen, and James, are the ones
that were concerned about my being carried there, and they are
the ones that had ought to investigate my suffering. But, instead
of that, they have not interested themselves in my sufferings or
wants, and brother Stephen and his wife came to brother Eben's,
where I was, and did not even send a request to my room to see
me. I speak of this to show that my brothers do not feel for me
as brothers should feel for a sister. So far as the natural heart is
concerned, had my brothers regarded my character, and my feel-
ings, rnd the feelings of our aged parents, they would not have
put me into an Insane Hospital without something being done for
me first. I might mention about my clothes that I had sent me. —
I was taken and shut up from them, and from the means to obtain
things to make me comfortable, or hardly decent; but if my broth-
ers and sisters thought my health was poor, and they desired my
good, kind actions would hav^e followed kind feelings. 1 have be-
fore remarked, would they not have sent me little nourishments,
such as they do not have there, as friends generally do when they
have a friend that is out of health. But I received nothing to re-
mind me that I was not forgotten by them. Kind reader, have
you a wife, sister, or an unprotected daughter in this wide world,
(however you may be situated, the same laws govern nature thro'-
ought the woild,) would you see her deceived into a hospital the
third day of leaving her work, having nothing done for her first,
and then not permit her to see one of her kind friends? Because
God saw fit not to give me the abundance of this world was I any
the less incapable of happiness here and hereafter? Because I
was a poor factory girl must 1 be treated in this brutal manner, in
this boasted land of liberty? I always had don°! for myself, and
was happy. I envied not the Queen upon her throne. 1 sought

35

enjoyment in expanding my immortal mind in ifsnowJedge, looking;
through nature up to nature's God, and cultivating the love of God
richly in my heart. I was kept in the Assylum sixteen long and
weary months. My brothers say they come to the house; but they
might as well have stayed away as to come, for all the good it did
me, for 1 never saw them. They say Dr. Bell wruld not let them
see me. What right had they to put me in such a place? The
very face of it shows that there was some cruelty being practised
upon me, that Dr. Bell did not want any one to know out of that
house. It may be said that I had no home, and the woman that I
boarded with would not have me in her house. Could it be that
Eliza Lufkin would turn me out of her house on the third day of
my illness.? Had it been done openly, I should have had friends
that would have done for me, for I feel that I could say with the
Apostle Paul, that I had friends that would have plucked out their
eyes to do for me. But not only was I taken in such an unlawful
manner and imprisoned, but away from all my things, and no care
taken of them; some entirely ruined for want of care, and some
ruined by being worn almost out. Who has v/orn them I cannot
say; but my 'trunks wore at my brother Stephen's. If ray broth-
ers desired my good they would investigate my sufferings. I have
proposed to them to have the Doctors taken before a justice of the
peace, produce the kind of medicine they gave me, and apply a
chemical test and see what effect it would have upon the human
system. If my brothers are innocent about my being ruined, I
think they would do it, although it would not bring back to me my
happy state; but it would expose the wickedness of the Doctors itt
-the Charlestown Hospital, and save others from suffering the
same. I was far from being deranged; but I grant that I was in
a weak state. But because I was weak, from over exertion, was
that any reason why I should be imprisoned, and medicine given
mc to harden my brain, to rack and torture me? To give a per-
son an idea of the distress of my body every moment, would b&
impossible; but well I might quote the language of Chillian,':

My limbs are bowed, though not with toil,

But rusted with a vile repose.

For they have been a dungeon's spoil.

Remarks upon the Institution.— There is no dispiste but what
there should be such an institution as an Insane Assylum, but let
it come under the jurisdiction of the Legislature, and not have all
the power consigned into the hands of a few individuals, over a
distressed class of beings, a money-making system, at the expense
of happiness, in a great measure. If it was thought best to have
all power put into the hands of one individual, then we should have
a King in this country, but it is not thought best. As that house

36

is now, if any family difficulty breaks out between (he members,
the stronger can take the weaker, raise a cry that they are insane,
deceive them in there, or take them by force, and deprive them of
their liberty; and the poor mdividual is disarmed of the protection
of the strong arm of our country's laws. It gives power to chil-
dren over their parents, parents over children, brothers and sis-
ters over each other, and neighbour over neighbour. A case of
children rising against a parent took place while I was there. A
poor widow woman having a family difficulty about propert", her
sons rose against her, got an officer and brought her to the Assy-
lum, and she worked for them all the time she was there. In my
own case, I had property and ought to have a guardian appointed
if I was incapable of taking care of myself Would it not be well
to have it a law that no person should be carried into an Insane
Hospital without the advice of a council of physicians, and not
have it left to the judgment of one person, for it is not an uncom-
mon thing for persons to be put in there who are not insane, and
they cannot help themselves. The public is completely deceived
about the situation of their friends after they are there. On visit-
ing the building every thing presents a fair appearance; but in or-
der to kaow the evil of any place you must first be in it. In the
first place, I shall speak ©f what the poor patienta have to suffer
on account of the neatness of the interior of the building, as that
is so often spoke of by visitors. A great deal of pains is taken in
every thing of an outward appearance, while things that are not
seen by visiters, are not regarded. The floors are, as it were, the
God that they worship; they must be washed every day, and the
poor patients suffer in being neglected during the time, which is
very frequently the case, and if a poor patient steps upon the floor
for sometime after, they have to take a severe reprimand, and are
locked up in their room all day as a punishment, because the at-
tendant is afraid the floor will have a mark upon it. It is all well
enough to keep clean; but the happiness of the poor patient is not
regarded. It is very tiresome to be confined to one room and not
be permitted to walk in it. Secondly, in cold weather the uncom-
fortableness of the gallery is very trying. Some days not any fire,
and deprived of every privilege but that of breathing, and if in vi-
olent pain and suffering the patients weep and make any complaint,
they must be shut up in their room, or stripped of all their clothes
and showered with cold water, and then cariiea to a stone dun-
geon. People are very much deceived when they call to see their
friends; and the poor distressed patients are weeping their hours
away to see them, and are shut out from all religious influence.

37

CLOSING REMARKS-TO CHRISTIANS.

Christian reader, whatever 7iame yoii may bear, I address yon,
you who have got the spirit of Christ witnessing with your spirit
that you are born of God. You have read what I have stated aftd
you may be ready to say you don't beJieve it; but iend nie a listen-
ing ear with an enlightened understanding, both by the spirit and
knowledge, for I have put forth this effort to make known this
knowledge to the world, to save you from the awful outrage of the
wicked at the present day, for you are liable yet to have the cry
raised about you that you are insane and to be taken and imprison-
ed as I have l)een, where violence is used to force medicine down
your throat which kills or destroys the spirit of Christ in you. You
are ignorant, I know, that this knowledge is upon the earth, and the
Bible does not give any account of it, excepting in Ileb. Chapt. vi.
verse 4, 6; and St. Paul does not say hoiV it can be done. Chris-
tian reader it is you that ought to be interested in what I say, and
before you say that it is derangment, and give strength to the wick-
ed in the greatest crime that can be eOmniitted upon an immortal
being, condsider well what a crime you hold up. Why should I
wish to start such a thing before the world if it was not so? for
gladly would 1 kneel and lift up my voice in prayer to God and
leave behind the things that are behind and press on towards the
mark for the prize. Persecution to a christian is like water to a
plant; what is called derangement by some, or delirious about reli-
gion, can be removed by medicine by the Dr.'s at the Charlestown
Hospital. The pains and distress of the operation cannot be found
npon the annals of cruelty of any nation, and then the distressed
situation it leaves one in, — neither love to God nor fellow beings.
Dear christian reader, what I tell you is the truth. Ask yourself
the question, what did Dr. Bell urge me to relate my christian experi-
ence for? why did he ask me how much I read the Bible, more than
any other book? What if one of our missionaries were taken and im-
prisoned, and when they should be taken out and come to tell of
their sufferings and what was said to tliem before the medicine was
given to them, would it not show that the crime was in accordance
with the whole drift of their conversation. Why did Dr. Fox say
that I " must not think I was so filled with the spirit; any minister
would laugh at me." I had not told him I was. Why was I shut
up and no one allowed to see me?

38

Reader, make it your own case to be put in prison in a well state
of health among some of the v\>orst characters, entire strangers, and
about three months in a stone dungeon, a poor unprotected girl. — •
Would it not almost make you deranged? Had a poor persecuted
christian ought to be consigned into the hands of unconverted rough
men? What criminal ever vtas executed in our land but if they
made the request to see some minister or pious friend it was allow-
ed them; but no, I was a poor persecuted christian : I asked to see
some minister, Mr. Winslow I particularly asked to see; but no, the
last and fatal blow must be struck upon me. If I had violated the
laws of our country, why not give me a lawful trial in a court of
justice and let me suffer the penalty attached to the laws which I
had violated? If I was in a weak state and tryed about my spiritu-
al state, was it right to shut me up away from all my dear associates
and godly influence? At first I thought I was in a house of ill-fame.
O, God only knows what I suffered and what I afterwards had to go
through. Had I been deceived into siich a house it would have
been nothing to what my situation is, and what my sufferings have
been.

Dear christian reader, I will show you by the Bible where I was
when I was carried into Charlestown Hospital. When I was con-
verted I had a strong hope to support me against the wind and tide
of this world. As an anchor is to a ship so is a hope in Christ Je-
sus to a person in this world. They are saved from the pollution
of the world through the washing of regeneration; saved from the
corruption that is m their own heart and the temptations around
them. There is but one religion that is good for any thing, of
one's religion is as good as another's. But why is all this conten-
tion about religion ? it must mean something. One soul saved from
sinning by being washed in the blood of Christ is of more value than
all this world. Dear reader, have patience and I will soon bring
you to the point that I wish you to understand. If holiness is lia-
ble to become a disease, as they pretend to say it does, and man has
found out how to give medicine to take away from a person what
they call derangement and the agony is so great and then it leaves
the person in a state of suffering hereof body and without the spirit
of Christ, a person must suffer forever, for out of Christ God is a
consuming fire; but in Christ a person can bless and praise God
amidst the burning flames. When a person is converted they are
turned from persuing the love of this world and seek after that holy
love that is in them which is Christ and let all their actions be con-
strained by that love. After a person is converted they commence
running after a prize, which is Christ, and in Christ is all the God-
head bodily, Father, Sou and Holy Ghost. Again, Christ will thor-
oughly purge his floor, cast out unclean spirits out of your heart and
you enter the second tiuie without sin unto salvation. Again to all

39

who look for him he will appear the second time without sin unto
salvation, change their vile bodies and make them like unto his most
glorious body, or baptize them with fire and with the Holy Ghost,
or being clothed upon with our house from heaven, which is eternal,
immortal and full ot glory.

Christian reader, I had embraced the views that are agitated at
the present day, that the world is soon to be destroyed, or what is
called Miller's doctrine. All I aimed at was to get out of sin, or
being obliged to go with the multitude to commit sin, as I hated
wrong and unholy actions, and to get ready to go up to meet the
Lord in the air as every one that has this hope within himself puri-
fies even as he is pure; for it is by grace which you are saved and not
of yourself, it is the gift of God. What to me was gain I counted
loss and dross; yea, dung, if I could but win Christ. I so run as
to obtain the prize in six years. The prize is winning Christ, and
in Christ Jesus is all the Godhead bodily, the Father, Son and Holy
Ghost. It is the crown which is immortal, eternal and full of glory.
Truly I was full of the Holy Ghost, entered into the holy city and
had right to the tree of life, which the leaves thereof are for the
healing of the nations. Holiness belongs to the heart, not to day^,
months, or years. The people of God ire to be the holy iti all their
actions and thoughts ; they are saved from following sin by having
the spirit of Christ.

Christian reader, I know you must read this with mingled emo-
tions; and it must wring your heart with grief to think that the Son
of God has been crucified; but it leaves the person that was in pos-
session of this heavenly treasure of course to be forever in distress,
for there remaineth no more sacrifice, which must add double grief
to you in perusing these pages; or are you ready to throw it back
upon me, saying it is all a delusion; that man cannot destroy the
goul; man's power is not greater than God's. But, christian reader,
it is knowledge that man. has obtained of chemistry. By putting
two substances together a third is produced unlike both. What the
medicine is I know not, but I think I could tell it if I saw it. —
Christian reader, you have never thought it to be very strange that
a person could be poisoned to death. In that case it seperates spirit
from matter; and in this case it seperates God's Holy Spirit from,
niatter, for you know it is not only a belief, for the Devils believe
and tremble. But it is having Jesus in you, the hope of glory, a
praving spirit; and 1 wish you to understand it is that praying spirit
that can be taken from you by medicine. The medicine hardens or
petrifies tlie brain. In my case it is the brain that lays in the hack
part of my head that is destroyed, where the faculties of affection
are located; for the volume of nature and revelation agree. I refer
now to the science of Phrenology, as there is truth in it whether
you believe it or not. The fifih Chapt. of Gallations tells what you

40

are bv nature, and what you must be in order to enter the kingdom
of heaven. By sowing to the spirit, I crucitied my affections and
lusts, ceased to do the works of the flesh. You may think this is
not in this world, but it is only winning the prize for the high call-
ing which is in Christ, or entering in upon the seventh Sabbath. —
As Dr. Bell has given me medicine that has kille(i that spirit in me
1 have no idea of holiness or hatred to sin, and I have no idea of
worship, for we worship what we supremely love and bring all our
actions to bear upon that object on which our affections are set. —
But the idea of love is gone Irom me, and iny body is void of happi-
""fiess, both carnal and spiritual.

Let there be a mighty cry made by the public, and search into
the iniquity of Charlestown McLean Assylum. I know it is held up
by what is called the popular class, but it is a combination of men, a
system that is worse than slavery, and any crime can be done there
and covered up under the garb of derangement, and no one interfere.
Dear Chrislian reader, I have put forth this appeal to let the chris-
tian world know that this knowledge is known upon the earth, and
jt is in the hands of the wicked. Why is the public so silent upon
the sufferiuirs of a poor girl ? If 1 had been taken by the unciviliz-
ed red man of the the woods and not half so cruelly treated, the
papers would have been full of it. If I had led a low, debasing life,
and had been murdered like an Ellen Jewett, the public would have
been roused and the papers woidd have been full of it from east to
west, and from north to south; but a more horrid crime has been
done. O! th.\t a dagger had he.cn plunged into my hicart in the
midnight hour; it would have been but momentary suffering and then
my immortal mind growing and expanding throughout the countless
ages of eternity in the knowledge and wisdom of God.

Reader, you may be ready to throw it back upon me, saying it is
derangement, \ expect it; let me once have heard of such a tiling
and I don't know but I should have thought it derangement. But,
christian render, it is you and you only that can understand a part
of my language, speaking about my spiritual life. All wlio former-
ly knew me, vvh) .see me now, SJiy that ^oI(le cruelty has been done
h> me. My old neighbors that knew me iVom a child, say that 1 am
so altered they hardly know me My old New liampion .^cIiodI
mates that 1 have met with since 1 was taken out of the llospiial,
start back vvitii surprise and say that they can hiirdly trac(; a look in
me that I om-e had, and not a trait in my deportment that I once
possessed. They say " that countenance tlu.t once was lit Uj) with
h:ip|)jncss is imw marked with 6<.^f\) sorrow ; those eyes ih<)t once
sparkled with jov are now i^c^in\ and snidten with jrief, and the lan-
guage, and the voice are so different tiiat some destruction hcis come
upon you;" and when 1 tell them what it i.'i, my long imprisuiiment,
sixteen mouths and twenty days, not allowed to see any one that I

41

ever saw before, only three of my folks during the time, nor allowed
to write; how my happiness is taken from me, my body r;icke(J and
tortured, the distressed situation thiit I am in, they are bathed in
tears., " O tell me not, Elizabeth, that you are lost; you was ®nce
so happy in the love of God," and the deep loud sob bursts from
their full hearts, " Can this be Elizabeth Stone; can this crime be
done and this cruelty practised here in the midst of us and covered
up and nothing said about it?"

Is this the state of our country, that the rights of a poor female
are trampled upon, and the laws of our country, where there has
been so much blood spilt to work out the liberty of every free born
son and daughter of America. And because I endeavor to make
known to the world this crime, 1 am threatened with a second im-
j)risoninent, by my brother Eben. If it is a crazy story surely it
. will do nQ.harm,. and if it is not, why had it not ought, to .come oat.
LeT a council of physicians be held upon my body and see ill am a
person that can enjoy life. I think that minds that understand the
organization of the human body and its functions will say that some
outrage has been commitedupon me. If I had lost my renson is it
right to take the advantage of a crazy person and destroy happiness..-
Chariestown McLean Assylum is to a weak excited person as a-
grog-shop is to an intemperate man, or a house of ill-fame, to a li-
centious person: they can be completely ruined. 1 hope this will,,
be looked into before another one is destroyed, and that those still
remaining in that awful place of imprisonment, weeping their hours
away, may be relieved by seeing their friends soon. May God
awaken the mind of the public to the sufferings oi the helpless.

I am frequently asked the question, by those who hear of my suf-
ferings, if I don't think I shall be happy after death. I will aiiSA'er
this here so every one may know what niy dreadful situation is. —
JN'o! for reasons before stated,

At the request of many of my friends, 1 have been examined by
a magnetized somnambulist, and I am requested to state the result
of the examination to the public. I was examined the first time by
Mr. Fowler, the Phrenologist, taking a lock of my hair lo Miss
Gleason. She stated that I had great distress in the back part of
my head, my spinal marrow was dry ; distress in my limbs, inclined
fi» sit forwards; disngreabie feeling at my stomach; nervous teni[>er-
ament; needed kind treatmeiit, &c. The loth of July 1 was ex-
amined again by Miss Gleason, being personally present. She
wiis magnetized by Mr. Butrick, a stranger to me. I did not go into
the room till after she was asleep. She stated about the same as-
she did the first titne, but added, that my brain looked dark; that I had
been in such distress it was a wonder 1 had lived throuirh it; and 1
still was in distress; my brain was drawn toyetiier and she clenched
her hands together ni order to convey the idea; yhe remarked upon

42

n)y disposition, toeing very decided in my opinion ; an enquiririy
mind, desiring to labor with my head rather than my hands, which
had incensed my relations against me; and it would have been bet-
ter for rne if they had put me into the grave alive than carried me
to the Hospital. If I had bever been carried there I should not
have been as I am now; for the future I could not labor with my
head. If 1 published my sufferings to the world it would not be
believed because 1 could not now use language to e.xpress myself
She thought it would be investigated.

July 23d, I was examined in public by Mrs. Pease, at the Mason-
ic Hall, who was with Mr. Shattuck lecturing on Magnetism. I
was an entire stranger to them both. She statf;d that 1 was nervous,
distressed in the back part of my head; that some powerful mineral
medicine had been given to me, which had injured me; that I had
been cruelly deceived. She described the medicine to be pills and
a liquid, very dark and some colored resembling saffron; that it had
injured my brain, and it never ought to have been given to me; and
1 had hef.ii injured by unkind treatment; my ainbitioti led me to go
beyond my strength in labor aiid reading, and that medicine ought
not to be given to any one, fcc. Many were present who had heard
•of my sufferings and were surprised to hear her tell it so exactly.
May God bring to light this awful crime, for my sufferings do not
end in this world, although the crime was done by others.

In conclusion, before this work is attributed to insanity why will
not the public demand an examination of the affairs and management
of the Mc'Lean Assylum, and see whether my charges be true or
false.

ERRATA.

In the 25th line first page, read "It" for "1." Same page 5th
line from the bottom, rend "1" for "It." On 4th page, 24th anti
25th lines, .nfter " refused to obey him" read " for my teacher said
without the mind was enlightened by the Spirit of CliriSf it was not
prepared for knowledge." Page 10th, 3:Jd line, for " Eliza Dam-
i>'U?" rend " Caroline Danmiers." On 12th pnae, 4th line, read
" Davii'" instead of "Daniel." On paire 22d, 18th line, for "him"
read "my mother." Same page, 20ih line, for "too"read "to come."
Same p iffe, 29th line, for "noon" read "night." On 26th pase, 12th
line from bottom, for " non-Sfjintual" read "nor spiritual." On
the 2*^11] paae, 22d line, read " from snfteiing, for matter cannot Ue
annihilated: but I should to" &c. On 29th page, 9th linr, instead
of "and said they are," tfec, read " and says the organs art," &c.
wSame paore. Hith line from the bottom, for "Dr. Fox," read " Dr.
Bell." C)n :3lst page, Slh hue, for "Dr. Kay," read " Dr. Ray."

h

BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY

3_9999 06561 534 4

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